Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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