garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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