i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
