i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
