Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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