Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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