There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
