All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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