i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
