i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
