i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
