to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize