Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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