dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
