I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize