tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize