Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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