It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize