This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
