maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
