i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
handjob tips. give me some.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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