Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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