girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
