I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
