Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
