I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
