I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
