ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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