I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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