i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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