the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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