google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
