Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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