I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
