went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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