I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize