Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
