This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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