You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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