i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
