the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
