he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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