do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You work out of a Hotel?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
