i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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