I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
