I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize