Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
