Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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