you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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