Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
