That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
