she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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