So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
