I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize