He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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