it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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