If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
