Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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