somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize