You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
