Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
