Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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