they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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