i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
