That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
