Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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