i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize