Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
