Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize