you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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