Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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