when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
