Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
