he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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