They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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