I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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