Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
