I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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